Tuesday, December 30, 2008

VideoDame's NYE Get-Your-Ass-Laid-Without-That-Cover-Charge Playlist!

Ah, December 31st. A time to think on the past year, raise up a glass or eight of bubbly, balk at $200 bottles of $15 dollar vodka and hope for that possibly mythical midnight kiss.

Personally, I hope this year Santa brings me a shot girl gig on the Strip, otherwise all Vegas people can find me downtown, partying with my fellow B.A.N.s from around the world, content in the fact that around 6pm the next day my boyfriend lands.

New Year's however, is traditionally a time of crimes against musicality--why not, when 95% of your audience is gone on Stoli?-- and in fact, has only two songs to its name, "Auld Lang Syne" (lyrics lost to time and inebriation) and "Waiting for Tonight" by J-Lo.

Whilst I actually admit Lo's song is not bad, we and I--certainly can do better. So with no more further fecking ado, VideoDame NYC/LV's 2008 New Year's Eve Kiss-a-Stranger playlist. And in the traditional manner, let it be a countdown.


10. "Roc Boys," by Jay-Z. I encourage you all, male, female, cloistered Amish, when you hitch up the Clydsdales to your wagon, to play this amongst your favored posse and you will feel like you are indeed Jigga, holding court at the 40/40, and that your fermented bog wine is pure Cristal.

9. "Night on Fire," VHS or Beta. Forgive me for such an openly hipster-sounding band, but I admit this song, my only of theirs, is quite perfect for the drive over to wherever, especially if you are wearing tight jeans and hoping to rub them against other tight jeans.

8. "Throw It On Me," The Hives and Timbaland. If you are lucky, this is what accompanies your strut into the cluuub. May I mention that Timbaland is the only person ever allowed to use the phrase "platinum stacks" because indeed, the man shits beats better than you.

7. "I Bet That U Look Good On the Dancefloor" Arctic Monkeys cover by the Sugababes. You can keep your Pussycat Dolls and their pitiful mewls about them having less STDs than your girlfriend. I prefer me these Brits and this fierceariffic sped-up track. The original's great too, but at this point in the night I insist you be too drunk to care much anyway.

6. "Bowtie" by Outkast. Big Boi is often overshadowed by the gloriousness Ur-Fop, Andre Benjamin (my secret husband), but his flow is the velvet to A3K's crush and don't tell me you don't want to wear feathers, wingtips and sass about to this song because you are lying. Insist.

5. "Powertrip," by Monster Magnet. This is time for reflection on the past motherfuckers you fucked you over and to the glorious fuck-you-all brilliance you are about to ejaculate all over 2009's face. Or something like that. You might want to do this privately. Just shout it--"I'm never gonna work another day in my life/The gods told me to relax they say I'm gonna get fixed up right"

Monster Magnet - Powertrip

4. "Afterparty," by Ozomatli. "Donde esta la afterparty?" Nuff said. (in fact if you want a good any party, just play the whole album--Don't Mess With the Dragon)

3. "Bustout" by the Cherry Poppin' Daddies. Because there really needs to be new Ricky Martin esque hit for people who don't even remember Ricky Martin and it may as well be my favorite band. Plus shouting out "take me now" is probably a good a sign enough for everyone that you're single.

Cherry Poppin Daddies Perform: Bust Out - Watch the top videos of the week here

2. "Stronger" by Kanye West. Because anyone who rhymes Klondike and blonde dyke is my friend for life.

1. "So Hott," by Kid Rock. Sums up the ethos of the holiday, and perhaps any holiday more than any other as Kid Rock is on a very pleasurable sounding vacation since 1996. "I don't want to be your friend/I want to fuck you like I'm never gonna see you again" never sounded so romantic.

Kid Rock - So Hott Music Video

0! If you're lucky, "Where are My Panties" by Outkast or if you're unlucky "2:29," by the Cherry Poppin' Daddies. Yes it's some kind of blood contract that makes me mention them upon every reverent breath, but also the cheerful desperation of the song, at the traditional time of closing time. Girls, all of you can probably relate with this scenario: "Perfectly normal when he started out/He's got a wristband and a disorder/Blocking the exit with the drink he poured her"

Alright just two more, and they're still themed!

The drive home: "Drinking in L.A.," by Daft Punk. Even if you aren't in Los Angeles, has that faraway lament that accompanies any ride home in the dawn.

The song that accompanies you getting up, unhungover, happy and ready to face 2009 in a brighter, more wonderfully homosexual way: "Love Today," by Mika. G-ddess bless you all!


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