Monday, January 29, 2007

Videodame Presents: Straight Up by Paula Abdul

Paula Abdul. Are you laughing and/or being totally disgusted by vivid thoughts of STDs and or alcohol clinics? Well look, full disclosure I am JUST old enough to remember her like she is in the video for "Straight Up" which god knows when it came out but it was well before Simon Cowell squeezed himself into an ill-fitting spandex-enhanced black t-shirt or in fact, was important at all. Yeah, you see where I stand on that "feud." The point is Our Lady Paula had talent once, and maybe even SWERVE.

In only the most whitebread way possible. Check out the video and watch carefully for the rough edges cunningly applied by the stodgy by this bitches-and-Dom time for hip-hop videos, that is to say, laugh your ass off at the "grafitti" but also, watch PA's fucking MOVES in those tap shoes:

So? Yeah, you started bopping and dancing, just like I did when I saw this like twenty minutes ago and realized it needed to be at the top of my very long and very overdue queue. You know why? Because late-80s/early-90s Paula is the same as early-90s Janet, and their fall from apple cheeked sexpots into nymphomaniac pariahs should be studied carefully, with tweezers.

Though honestly I think Janet came out better in the deal. Paula croons helplessly here if we love her, if we love her studiously prepared moods, her swinging arms, her big eyes and fake come-ons, and I guess you can see now, that the world whirled around and said NO.

Who to have sex with after seeing: A virgin. In 1989.

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