Saturday, November 8, 2008

Videodame Presents: Love Story by Taylor Swift aka Virginal Pubescent Ass All For A Low Cut Pirate Shirt!

We are in a new world, people.

A new President, a new determination, a new generation.

And as all new generations before it, Gen Y, for its civic mindedness, its strident, well-scrubbed pan-cultural exchange the likes the modern world has not yet seen, these internet-junkies, these free wheeling top of the heap new-born Americans?!

Well they just all wanna dress in pretty party dresses and get married.

Taylor Swift, America. Oh, I see you've met.

Only yesterday did I, watching the glorious cable my new digs gives me, on MTV Hits this...this piece

Okay now, this video is very well made, in a technical capacity. I love every single one of the costumes, because of course, I have estrogen. And you men out there can't help but think as she talks about how it's a love story and she's the pretty princess and you're just sitting there with this ENORMOUS BONER and--basically all straight men think about is where to AIM am I lying? *coughs* Sorry.

Wikipedia how old is she?

18!!! WoooOOOooooo!

But seriously I actually didn't watch the video yesterday, I watched it ten minutes ago. With closed captioning. To give you a taste of what I read, while watching her re-enact every scene from Pride and Prejudice starring Keira Knightly then mention Romeo and Juliet...

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He kneels to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said

Marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all the reason for
I talk to your dad go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Now she gets points for the fiddle, which has bailed out otherwise non-descript bands such as Dave Matthews and Yellowcard but can't you see this song being played at the most Deliverance-style weddings?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I myself was born in redneck capital of the world Arkansas, IN THE LITERAL OZARKS, and I know crackerism, and incest, can happen just about anywhere. So come with me as you imagine, say, a father/daughter/wife dance as Miss Swift makes the magic happen.

Did you know Hugh Hefner is giving one of his ex-wives/twins away at her next wedding? I don't know if all of them divorced or he just divorced one twin but really that poor addled knob is getting greased at least eighth times daily for the cameras, and it's all really depressing, kind of like McCain--

Oh. And this is why you shouldn't try to knock out your flu with Sudafed, JD's and herbal tea.

It's a new world, ladies and gentlemen. And we're only here to watch Taylor Swift twirl in it.

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